Productive Me

You may think that the title of this post is contradictory in nature if you know who the "me" is (it is me, after all).  However, Hubby has been gone for 5 days & as I have done NO-THING I want to & I will begin being productive.

(on a side note, Regis is on with his wife today because Kelly is gone & it is hilarious!  His wife should seriously be on everyday.  He is SO MUCH funnier with his wife than with Kelly.  They bicker & tease & are totally cracking me up!)

Ok, commercial break.  Back to productivity.  Here are a few of the things I will get done before I go into labor :)

1.) I will wash all of Baby Girl's clothes.  I am tempted just to wash the little ones, but with all this time on my hands, I think I might as well wash all of them.  Besides, once I open the Dreft, the movers won't move it, so I better use as much of it as I can.  I might wash my own clothes in it-is that bad?

2.) I will do a Bible Study scrapbook.  I have been talking about this since LAST summer & now I have 2 weeks to do it before it becomes a lost cause.  But if I work on it everyday, I can get it done.

(oh crap, now Jeff Goldblum is one.  I love that guy.  Back to you in a minute)

3.) OK, I will also write in Baby Girl's baby book.  There are lots of pages to fill out before she arrives & if I don't at least get a head start on it...yep, you guessed it...another lost cause.

OK, for me that is enough.  I am not one of those people that make more goals than I can keep because it motivates me.  Hubby is like that.  I do better with smaller, more attainable goals so that I don't get overwhelmed & give up. 

SO, here's to hoping!

Also,  today I have already done the dishes (because I hadn't done ANY since hubby left. Surprise, surprise) & I am getting ready to vacuum!

Smile!

I am doing pretty good today. I suppose that my emotional state will ebb & flow as long as I have all these pregnancy hormones swishing around inside of me!

I got through the first weekend without hubby without too much damage to my heart.

AND, hubby found a place for us to live! It is going to stretch our budget a bit, but not throw us into debt or anything...we are just going to get creative :)  It's a 3-BR house with a back yard in a good neighborhood, close to Walmart, and close to Mexican food.  Give me Walmart, give me Mexican & I'm pretty happy.  I can't wait to see it in person! Hubby has sent me pictures & I think it looks perfect for us & the babies!

AND, I have plans every single weekend till Baby Girl comes! Yay!

I hope hubby is doing ok without us.  At least by tomorrow, he will be out of the hotel.  Hopefully, time will go by fast for both of us.  I miss him so much!  I can picture him in the doorway or sitting on the couch with me.  Today I even pictured him at the Dr. with me!  I hope I don't sound too crazy...:)

So, SMILE because life is ok, but God is great!

Gone

Gone. My love is gone.  Truth be told yesterday was way worse than today.  I did really good yesterday at lunch & loading up the car.  Then before dinner, I went to snuggle with my baby cat who also went with my love & I told him (the cat) that it wasn't forever & I. Lost. It.  The tears absolutely would not stop for a long time.  Hubby went outside to pick up doggie dung & I sat on the porch and just cried and cried and cried.  Then when I sort of stopped, we went to eat at the Herd Cafe-one last Marshall meal :)  I wasn't bawling or anything, just consistent leakage.  Poor hubby-I don't know how he puts up with me. When your pregnant, everything just seems so much harder than normal. Finally, when we laid down to go to bed, I stopped.  I gave him a Benadryl so he would get some sleep before his 16-hour drive today. 
I woke up at 3:30 to give our kitty a sedative...which bless his heart made him woozy snoozy.  He couldn't walk in a straight line!  If I didn't feel so bad for him, I would have taken pictures.  But I just couldn't make fun of the poor guy.  His second set of eyelids came up & he really looked drunk or something.  I still feel bad for him!  He's my baby!  But, truth be told, we did have a good laugh ;-)
Then we woke up for real around 4am & did last minute stuff (snuggle with our babies one last time...me with Phoenix, Hubby with Bella) & then he left a bit before 5.  I, of course, called him at 5:15 to check on him & Phoenix & then I called him again when I went back to sleep around 6ish, & again at 8:30 when I woke up & again at 10 when I woke up again.  And I've talked to him pretty consistently since then.  At least every hour or so. So, the hardest part is over for me.  Now, hubby's hard part is going to be the drive (as I type this 8 hours later he is only halfway there!) & finding us an apartment.  And, the hardest is yet to come after the birth of our daughter when we must separate once again.  But, for today, I am ok :) And so is hubby :)

On another note, my sis is coming to visit me today with a friend & 2 dogs! They drove all the way from Colorado to visit East Coast family and such.  I am glad Bella will have some friends tonight because she is acting so weird.  She keeps whining.  Hubby normally works all day so either she just knows something is wrong or she misses the cat...??  Poor girl-I will never provide the fun & excitement that hubby does.  He gets on the floor with her & rolls around & plays tug-of-war with her.  I try, but I am kind of allergic to her & she is way stronger than me, so tug-of-war is no fun.  She's a sweet dog.  I tried to take her on a walk, but it was sprinkling so we pretty much just walked to the end of the block and back.  Another thing hubby would do is take her for a walk in the rain.  I wish she wasn't stuck with me, but I would be way more lonely without her. 

I am still trying to compile my Top 10 list for Huntington, so suggestions are still welcome :)  

Improvement!

Well...my "new & improved" blog is looking much better, no?  It takes time to make cool changes, but it's not that hard.  You just have to find people smarter than yourself who will tell you what to do step by step :)

I have found lots of good info on the website The Cutest Blog on the Block and also Kevin and Amanda.

Check out their websites!

I think for my next blog I am going to do a "Top 10 Things I Will Miss in Huntington"  so let me know if you got anything you think is worthy of that list :)

Wowed

OK, so firstly, I am feeling better. So no one else cry about my last blog! Although there are rarely comments on here, I know people read this thing because multiple peeps told me how bad they felt after my last blog!

Secondly, I was out exploring other blogs & man, there are some really cool apps you can put on your blog that I don't know how to do! I was looking for army wife blogs so I can feel that my life is what at least some people call "normal" & I found lots of awesome blogs! All of them kick my blogs butt though. I thought I did OK on computers. Wrong. I suck. It is really good for me to read other army wives blogs since I am in army wife that hasn't entered the army world yet, but has pretty much left the civilian world. So, I am surrounded by people that I LOVE but whose lives are going in really different directions than mine is & sometimes that's hard. It is so refreshing to read about people whose husbands leave them for a week here or a month here & who have no control of where they are going to live. Stuff like that. Army stuff.

Thirdly, I am determined to improve my blog. But I know nothing! I don't know how to make a button or even cross out a word that I just wrote to insert another one (only if you read a lot of blogs will you know what I am talking about!) Somehow I will learn. I think you can look up just about anything on google. At least that's what my friend Stacey tells me :)

Fourthly, it is 1:30pm & I am still in my PJ's & have not eaten anything since my bowl of cereal for breakfast. I am so enthralled with all these awesome blogs I can't tear myself away. Facebook, Smashebook, give me blogs anyday!

I wonder if I am going to cry every day until this baby is born. Maybe I'll just cry everyday until Hubby leaves, but I hardly think that him leaving will help. It's just that many of my tears are from thoughts of him not being here & maybe once he's actually gone, I'll see that I'm ok. I don't know. So many of my other tears are from thoughts of leaving behind all I know. I don't want to leave behind my Bible study. They are going to all grow old without me. I don't want to leave behind family. I don't want to leave behind our life here. I'm happy here.
All my best friends (well...almost all of them) came up yesterday for a luncheon so I could see them one last time & now they are gone & I wonder when I will see them again. Someday, right?
I just think how nice it must be to have a baby & get to set up a nursery with your husband & have him take time off work to be with you. Saying good-bye is hard enough, but take away my husband & put me through labor & I think I might die. I'm being dramatic, of course, but it feels that way at times. There are lots of people who go through such harder things, but for some reason it's easier for me to think of those women who have nothing but joy in expecting a baby & who get to keep their husbands to themselves. I shouldn't think of those women because it makes me feel bad, it's just hard not to.
I get all these cute clothes for Baby Girl & I have to pack them all up in boxes for the movers. Everything we buy her has to stay in a box until Oklahoma (except her carseat of course). She has no nursery, no special baby room just for herself. She WILL get it...in Oklahoma. She will get it when she is 3-4 weeks old. & I am happy we can give it to her, I am thankful that we have money & family to put together a nursery & to dress her in cute clothes. I just wish she could have it now kind of. It's just stuff, I know.
I think all of this wouldn't matter to me if Hubby could stay with me. If he could stay here, everything would be ok. But my husband is not my substinence, my husband is not my refuge. At least he shouldn't be those things. Jesus Christ should be what gets me through hard times, not my husband. I know. It's so hard. I can't get that truth in my heart. It's in my head that Christ is all things & will take care of me, but in my heart, I need my husband. I don't know how I'm going to make it without crying all the time. I have to say good-bye to everyone alone. So does he. I wish we could say good-bye to our friends & family & then leave for Oklahoma together. Sad, but together. Sad & alone is so much worse.
I have learned that all the theories in the world don't amount to crap in real life. It's a nice theory that being apart from him for only 3 weeks will fly by. Total crap. It's a nice theory that I will miss him so much that saying good-bye to people here won't be hard. Total crap. It's a nice theory that waiting to be settled with your newborn for 3 weeks is not that long. Total crap. It's a nice theory that having family & friends & your own doctor & your own hospital balances out the negative of not being with your husband for the last month of pregnancy & the first 2 weeks of your daughter's life. Total crap. I wonder if we made the right decision. I'm so scared. I think I would trade every "comfortable" aspect in Huntington to be in Oklahoma with my husband. All those things about Oklahoma that seemed so horrible 8 months ago (No visitors at the hospital! Not knowing my OB! A hospital I've never been to! No grandparents in the waiting room! No one oohing & awing over my baby!) don't seem nearly as horrible as being apart from my other half. I know I won't die, but this might be the hardest thing I've ever done.

Up with the sun, as usual :)

Both of the babies are sleeping. (Babies being baby cat Phoenix & baby dog Bella). Actually, I think baby in my belly is also sleeping. For once ;-)

I'm done with work now & it has been ok. It is nice to not have to go, of course, but I get kind of bored. It's funny-the other day there was this thing on TV that said "If you wait until you don't have anything to do, that won't ever happen in this day & age". I looked at Hubby & laughed because we both know that I have to MAKE myself get up & do things. I have nothing to do pretty much all day long. I am told I should appreciate it now because we're gonna have a baby soon & then everything changes.

It is amazing how few people say "everything changes for the good". Once you get pregnant, 90% what you hear about is all the negative things a baby brings. It used to really piss me off, but I've come to realize that the people who do nothing but complain about their children also have nothing nice to say about their spouses either or their job, so I am left with the conclusion that the problem lies with them & not their situation. I am quite content with my life-my husband, my job, my tiny apartment...so I assume I will be content with my daughter too. I'm not saying motherhood will be easy, but I have found very few things in life are easy (except my job, that was pretty easy peasy). I think Baby Girl will be more of a blessing than a drag no matter what anyone says. I ain't scared :)

Well, almost time for the Today Show. I actually have plans after lunch today! I'm excited. Me & my friend Kristin are running around the mall making returns & hanging out. Yay for good friends who will go with you to make your returns :)

Look forward to this warm weekend!